SHIT.

It didn't work.   They called me right as I was starting to eat lunch (well thank you for that cause it helped me to not eat very much) :) but just to tell me that the blood test came back negative.  IUI #1 has failed.  So here we are again.  

Starting at square one. (and that sounds "mathy" and I never liked math ughh)

 I had to stop taking my progesterone and wait for good 'ol Aunt Flo to come marching right back into my life.  So I cried my tears, and then had my first beer in weeks (which by the way tasted like shit so that wasn't what I was expecting, but the 2nd and 3rd did taste much better :)) And then I cried again, cried myself to sleep and woke up with a new day and an attitude that I couldn't control it and God can, so just have faith.  Or as my new key chain would say...."BELIEVE....Everything Happens For a Reason"

Since Mike isn't in town, I thought that it might have made it worse but I am thinking it might have made it better.  I think not being able to see his face and facing the dissapointment on his face might have helped me to not have a clear emotional breakdown. We just have to get back up on the horse as they would say.  I hope this horse gets out of my life soon, so I dont have to get back up on it again next month.

Another $1600 and sonogram assaultings and dreaded 2 week wait, and not to mention the lovely hot flashes again :) I will do it though, and try to do it with a smile on my face (except for the handing over my credit card again part, will not be smiling at that I'm sure) All of this will be worth it when I get to see that positive on the test and hear the heartbeat of our child.

So, Aunt Flo arrived today....and we are officially on Day 1 again.  Go in on Friday for sono and permission to start meds....and so on and so forth.  At this point I am taking it day by day and I CANNOT WAIT to pick up my hubby at the airport on Friday.  It's gonna be like old times when we were long distance dating for 6 months at a time...hope he doesn't feel like breathing his own air cause I am going to be as close as possible for at least the weekend :)